Pappa wants mamma naked
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
