I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
