Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
