I think I am morally bankrupt
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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