then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
