I want to have your abortion
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
