we're blogging at a bar
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
