porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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