his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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