Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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