Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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