6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
