I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
