In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
