and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
