ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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