it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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