He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
