We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
