Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
