Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
