My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
