i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
