Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
