i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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