I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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