wakey wakey hands off snakey
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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