I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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