Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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