She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
