Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
