You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
