Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
