I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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