ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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