i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
