I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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