I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
