life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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