How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
