Moan for me like Helen Keller
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize