A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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