im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
