I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize