I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
