I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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