I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
