Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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