the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
