I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
