I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
