i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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