Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
