I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
