i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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