i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
