Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize