On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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