and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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