Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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