She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
