She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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