I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
